Masha`llah, the following is very concise and practical advice based on
the words of Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat (may Allah preserve him)
concerning newlyweds, and marriage in general:
Source: at-Talib
Prepared by Brother Aslam Patel
“You have never seen anything better than marriage for those who love.”
(Ibn Mãjah)
Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat dãmat barakãtuhum advises:
1. Every action is dependant upon intention. When marrying, both
partners should therefore make a firm intention to accomplish the
following objectives:
* Following the Sunnah of our beloved Nabee Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم.
* Safeguarding oneself from sins.
* Parenting pious children.
2. When marrying, each becomes the other’s lifetime companion. Each
should understand and appreciate that Allah has brought them both
together and that their destiny in life has now become one. Whatever the
circumstances: happiness or sorrow; health or sickness; wealth or
poverty; comfort or hardship; trial or ease; all events are to be
confronted together as a team with mutual affection and respect. No
matter how wealthy, affluent, materially prosperous and “better-off”
another couple may appear, one’s circumstances are to be happily
accepted with qanã‘at (contentment upon the Choice of Allah). The wife
should happily accept her husband, his home and income as her lot and
should always feel that her husband is her true beloved and best friend
and well-wisher in all family decisions. The husband too should accept
his wife as his partner-for-life and not cast a glance towards another.
3. Nowadays, the husband reads about, and is well-informed of his
rights and demands them. Similarly, the wife reads of her rights and
expects them. However, both should concentrate on being aware of each
other’s rights and then strive to fulfill them. This is the prescription
for a prosperous marriage and everlasting love.
4. During the
first year of marriage, the couple must try and spend as much time as
possible together. This is especially true for the first two months as
it provides an opportunity to understand each other’s temperaments and
establishes a firm foundation which contributes towards securing a
prosperous marriage.
5. The couple (especially the husband)
must make a point to arrive home early after ‘Ishã Salãh and
scrupulously avoid the habit of socialising with friends late into the
evening. Wherever possible, business, employment and other activities
should be concluded beforehand or curtailed in order to set aside time
for spending together.
6. Mutual respect between husband and
wife should not be lost. They should each be very particular about
following the Deen right from the initial stages of married life. This
will also ensure a religious environment for the children to be nurtured
in, contributing greatly towards their successful upbringing.
7. True and everlasting prosperity is only possible for Muslims when
they follow the Sunnah of Rasoolullah صلى الله عليه وسلم in all affairs.
The couple too, should adhere to the teachings of Rasoolullah صلى الله
عليه وسلم in all their matters and abstain from anything which
contradicts them. Careful attention should be given to this in their
intimate relationship too. Inshã’allah this will be an assured approach
to acquiring the blessing of pious offspring.
8. In the initial
stages of marriage, the love between the couple is a physical bond,
wherein emotional changes take place all the time. Despite great passion
and physical love for each other, affection between the couple is not
yet well established or on a rational basis. Such rational love comes
after many years together. It is therefore extremely important for the
husband not to succumb to emotional weaknesses at the onset and let the
marriage waver towards an irreligious direction. Both the husband and
wife should make a pledge to each other to steadfastly follow the Deen,
especially in the performance of Salãh and in avoiding all sins.
9. Marriage is like the weather, forever changing. Sometimes it is
cloudy and rainy, life appears gloomy, then the sun appears and rays of
happiness break through bringing joy. At times, one experiences rain,
wind and sunshine all in one day. Such is life, and like the seasons, we
go through different experiences. The secret is to remain devoted and
steadfast to one’s Deen and spouse.
10. The husband should be
sympathetic to the fact that his wife has left her parents, brothers and
sisters to start a new life with him. Her sacrifice and her feelings
should be respected and joy should be felt by both partners at the
expansion of their families. Just as the wife should treat her husband’s
parents as her own, he should also extend affection, courtesy and
respect to his new in-laws.
11. As soon as one experiences a
problem, no matter how trivial, which remains unresolved for more than
three days, consult a person who is both knowledgeable and your sincere
well-wisher.
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