We
live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of
modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to
be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they
are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often
looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous
relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner
and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the
drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are
told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed
when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men,
they don't mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with
their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so
possessive!
In
Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which
means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like
when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and
other-womenfolk and doesn't like other men to look at them. It is a
natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (SAW)
had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known
for their Gheerah. All Muslim men should have a collective sense of
protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur'an: "The Men
are the protectors and maintainers of women…" (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34).
Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of
other men and don't enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are
called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed
discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee's
book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa'ir).
A story of Gheerah
To
further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident
that Asmaa' (RA) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (RA) and sister of
Aisha (RA), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and
he married his daughter Asmaa' to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn
al-'Awwam (RA) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one
of the companions who were promised Paradise. Asmaa' relates: "When
az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…", so
Asmaa' had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water.
"And I used to carry on my head," she continues, "the date stones from
the land of az-Zubair which Allah's Messenger (SAW) had endowed him and
it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying
the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah's Messenger
(SAW), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the
camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy
to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a
man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) understood my
shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: "The Messenger of Allah
(SAW) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was
with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I
could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah." So
Asmaa' declined the offer made by the Prophet (SAW). Upon this az-Zubair
said: "By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head
is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him." (related in
Saheeh Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of
Asmaa'! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was
about her husband's feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of
Gheerah so she didn't want to upset him by accepting the Prophet's (SAW)
help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it
meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at az-Zubair (RA), even
though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn't want to inconvenience his
wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing our sense of Gheerah
Sometimes
Muslim women don't understand if their menfolk want them to cover their
faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress
or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But
my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour
of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants
you to cover your face - by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact
that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you
and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than
you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of
matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honour!
Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent
thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk's sense of
Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention
to their valid opinions. We expect certain behaviour from them and they
expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something
that it not Haraam, we must do it.
Subhan Allah! Look at the
difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply
women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful
that our Hayaa' (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah doesn't wear
out in a society in which people have lost their Hayaa' and Gheerah.
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